(An update to this post)
Kathy, our director, is a kind, patient, and classy soul, but even she has her limits. If you really want to get under her skin, here's how. This list will likely grow in saecula saeculorum.
- Don't show up for rehearsal or Mass without telling her.
- Don't review the music between rehearsals or before coming to Mass.
- Tell her she never gave you that piece of music . . . when she did.
- Tell her you can't show up for rehearsal or Mass just beforehand when you knew days or even weeks ago you wouldn't be there.
- Show up late for rehearsal or Mass with no good reason.
- Leave early with no good reason.
- Come to Mass without your music in order.
- Flip, flip, and flip some more through your music because it's not in order, especially when everyone else is ready to sing.
- Decide her beat is insufficient and maintain your own timing--or no timing at all.
- Keep your nose firmly inside your music at all times, ignoring her direction.
- Anticipate the "s" at the end or beginning of a phrase.
- Use the American "r", such as in "Glorrrrrrrria".
- Use the Fonzie-esque "ayyyy", such as in "Dayyyyy-ee" (Dei).
- Get louder on the upper note of a podatus.
- Get louder (and likely sharper) because you think everyone else is going flat and you're trying to "pull them up."
- Double the note on a punctum with a horizontal episema, a salicus, or a quilisma.
- Take breaths at every quarter bar, and only at every quarter bar, unless otherwise directed.
Add your own in the comments.